Yesterday I ate bacon, with scrambled eggs and cheese.
It was magical.
I hadn't had bacon with scrambled eggs and cheese for quite some time. Probably because we broke up a little while ago. I mean, we had GREAT chemistry, but I found out that bacon was clogging my arteries, him and his friends eggs and cheese, and I was all like "I love you but you're bad for me" and then bacon was all "You'll be back" and I was like "No way...but probably...."
And that was that.
But yesterday I got home from the gym and I heard the siren call of bacon as it wafted over from Vicky's diner, and all of a sudden it was of the utmost importance that I find myself sitting in front of a sizzling plate of bacon-y love AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.
I didn't even look at the menu. No need. I ordered, and sat with a watering mouth as I waited.
It was like I was cheating on my current diet. Like I had left the house and kissed my diet goodbye and promised to be good and then there I was, checking in to the Crazy Eights Motel wearing dark glasses and drooling nervously as I waited for bacon to saunter in.
"Well, hello," bacon said, "I knew you'd be back."
"You smell amazing! How I've missed you....your smell, your sizzle, that cute way you crunch....whatever happened between us?"
"Ah, I believe you left me for tofu and whole wheat bread."
"Right, right....sorry....so, we don't have much time...."
And I picked up my fork.
I stumbled back into the apartment smelling slightly oily, with a grease stain on my collar.
I do hope my current diet doesn't notice.
3 comments:
That was hilarious. I find that my guilt disappears when I throw bacon in a "healthy" salad. Don't vegetables bond to the bacon in your stomach, thus preventing them from clogging your arteries? I think that's real science.
i think the jury's still out on science. but that sounds right to me. you're a genius. i miss you.
How dare you dump bacon for tofu! I'm glad bacon took you back. You guys were made for each other!
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