sleepwalking

Actually, I don't really sleepwalk so much as I talk, mumble and do slightly odd things. Last week Paul informed me that he woke up in the middle of the night to me giving him a wet willy....technically I believe it was a dry willy because upon questioning Paul revealed that my finger was not actually wet. Still, kind of weird. I wish I could remember what made me feel like sticking my finger in Paul's ear at three in the morning......I kind of like that I am programmed to be playing pranks on him even in my sleep. I'd like to thank my little brothers, who probably had a lot to do with this.

happy halloween

This weekend, we rented a car and loaded up at Costco and Stew Leonard's.....ahhh, the bliss of bulk grocery shopping. I got an economy size wedge of Gouda cheese, which I would like to cradle lovingly and nibble at constantly, but even in New York I think that might be viewed as strange....also, the city is so dirty that it would be impossible to keep my lovely cheese wedge clean...anyhow. The weekend. We loaded up on groceries, and Paul indulged my hankering to pick out a pumpkin, and I think I got the best one!! (Obscure movie reference: Raising Arizona) On Sunday afternoon, we took a drive to....I'm not really sure where. I think Nyack. All I know is that there was a lake, and really pretty trees. And ducks and geese and swans. Oooh, and deer! We were walking around a nearby cemetery, and all of a sudden like 50 deer came running past me! Okay, really it was like five. They were really close, though!! Side note: when my youngest brother John was quite small, we were at Yellowstone, and he saw some deer, and said "My real deers won't let me pet them. They make me so mad!!" How cute is that? So, when the real deer ran past me, it was quite difficult to not laugh, or to see if they would let me pet them. I didn't, though. On Monday night we carved our pumpkin, and quite an enjoyable time was had, let me tell you!! Paul even let me carve a few things. (He gets really nervous seeing me with a knife or scissors. I don't know why. I'm completely trustworthy.) After finishing, we were so proud of our work that we had a little photo shoot with our pumpkin, who I have named Mose. (runner up name: Malachi.) We tried to make the eyebrows look angry, but really it made it look kind of like an evil bunny, so it's our evil bunny pumpkin, named Mose.

pretty lake

pretty trees
my real deer
the evil bunny pumpkin, Mose
Mose watching Heroes with us

please make me laugh

So, today someone asked me when Paul and I were going to have a baby. I love this question because it implies that I have some sort of control over this. I say, "Hopefully soon...", which is my answer for publication, and then she tells me to relax, because then it will happen. She tells me that she waited a long time to have her second baby, and this worked for her. "How long did it take you?" I ask, and she says "four months." Hmmmm. I don't like to minimize someone else's problems, because obviously to her, this is a long time. Since I don't feel like telling her that I've been trying for four years, I say "Wow, okay, yeah..." and then she spends five more minutes explaining to me exactly what I need to do, and how I need to relax, and that I'll get pregnant in the next two months. I felt slightly annoyed afterwards, which I felt bad about because she's really very sweet, and only meant to help, which led me to wanting nothing more than a very large gooey brownie with some milk. (I medicate with food.) So, now I'm thinking, how can I laugh about this? How can I make this funny, so I'm not annoyed? A very large gooey brownie with milk is certainly very therapeutic, but not terribly funny. Unless the brownie could tell a joke before being consumed. I think normally they say you should picture someone in their underwear, but I don't think that applies to this situation....

strawberry cake/awesome mom

Today in Sunday School, we were discussing the Holy Ghost, and why we need it, how we can recognize it, how it helps us, etc. A friend shared a story that I really loved, about one of her friends, who had two small children, and was throwing a fairly large dinner party. She hauled her kids to the store and load up on groceries, including a strawberry cake, and when they arrived home, the children asked if they could carry the cake into the house. She was fairly frenzied trying to manage getting all the groceries out and told them yes, but to be sure not to drop it. She looked over as her children were carrying the cake, and reminded them again to please not drop it, and then.....they dropped it, and it splattered onto the pavement. She told her children not to move, and she ran into the house, while her children awaited what they were sure would be horrible punishment. She came out with one hand behind her back, approached her children, and pulled out....three forks. Everything stopped, and they sat on the sidewalk and ate the strawberry cake. I really enjoyed this story for a few reasons, first because I love how the Holy Ghost can help us be the best version of ourselves, second because I really, REALLY want to be able to handle stressful situations like this when I'm a mother, and last, because this is a huge reminder to me that in order to be able to do that, I'd better work on it now. My patience has been wearing thin lately, and I feel like I haven't been as kind or easy-going as I like to be......but this made me want to try to be better! Also, it made me want cake.....

Dumbeldore is gay???

So, last night my sister in law (who is in general quite awesome) took me to see JK Rowling at Carnegie Hall. She won a sweepstakes, and got to take a guest, and I was the luckylucky tagalong.....yesssss. So, we joined 2,000+ people and sat in awe as she read an excerpt from Deathly Hallows, and following the reading, she answered questions. One very cute and emotional teenage girl ("I'd like to thank you, JK Rowling, for being such an inspiration to me, I'm a teenage girl and I've got a lot of angst and I'm pretty mad at the world but your books make me less crazy..." okay, I'm embellishing, but you get the idea.) got up and asked if Dumbeldore ever found love and got married. And then JK Rowling said......that she always thought of Dumbeldore as being gay. ????!!!! May I repeat, ????!!!! What do you think about that?? My mind is reeling.....Ryanne said that she'd always suspected it. I did think there was something slightly odd about the intensity of the friendship with Grindelwald.....so now I have a signed copy of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, and a lot to think about.....so, my fellow Harry Potter fans, I'd like to know what you think.....

how to not eat vegetables

Today a friend asked me how I got out of eating vegetables as a kid. I paused, and reflected on my many years spent trying to avoid my greatest enemy. So, in case you don't like vegetables and you need some strategy, or if you're a parent and need some insider information, here you go:

1. Hide them behind the couch. I know, sounds a little out there, but I was four, okay? It seemed to be working fine. I'd tell Dad that if he just closed his eyes I'd eat them, and then I'd go and poke them behind the sofa. This worked great until he opened his eyes while I was in mid-poke. Also, I am a terrible liar, so when he asked me what I was doing, I told him..."umm, I lost something...." Great, Andrea, just great. He was, of course, nice enough to help me look, and pulled the couch away from the wall to reveal a nice little line of peas, carrots and green beans.

2. Toss them underneath your brother's chair. This method requires a little more cunning, stealth and strategy. I think I was in the 8-10 year old range when I employed this technique. You start out eating kind of leisurely, right? Like this is just the greatest dinner, and why rush? And hey, these peas are just so lovely I think I'll save them for last. So, while you share amusing anecdotes from recess and talk about what's happening in Ramona Forever, you casually toss a couple of peas under your brother's chair. Not all of them, just a couple. Stealth, remember? If mom sees a pile of peas under your brother's chair she's totally going to get wise. So, just a couple. Then, start over again, this time tossing them under your other brother's chair. Keep going with as many siblings as you've got, occasionally tossing some really far, like next to the sink. This way, mom thinks, "hmmmm. Some peas must have accidentally fallen on the floor while being served." This worked for a couple of years, until mom's eagle eyes caught me in the middle of a yawn -turned veggie toss.

3. Cut them up really tiny and swallow them with milk. It's time to admit defeat. You've used up all your brilliant ideas, you've tossed and poked and tried hiding them under your mashed potatoes, and now you're caught. You put up a valiant fight, my friend. Even in failure, remember you had a few good years! This was a really decent run, but unfortunately this is the last stop for you. As you sit in front of your plate, all of your yummy food gone, don't lose hope completely. Just cut up those veggies really really teeny and swallow them like pills! You can't even taste them that way, and it's a little rebellious, you know? Kind of revolutionary. Like you're saying "yeah, maybe you can make me eat vegetables, but you'll never make me chew them!!!" (it sounded a lot more inspirational in my head.)

Last, and this has absolutely nothing to do with the above topic, I am an ice cream tunneler. If eating ice cream that has some sort of cookie or swirl or mix-in, I simply must dig it all out before eating the surrounding ice cream. I realized this has perhaps gotten a little out of hand just this evening, when standing with a spoon in front of a half gallon of Turkey Hill Graham Slam. It has this really tasty graham cracker swirl, and when I dug in I totally hit a mother lode of graham-y yumminess. So, I kept digging, and digging, and now there is a perfect hole going all the way down to the bottom of the carton. Now, normally I would just work my way around to even it all out, digging in a couple of other spots so my work would not be so noticeable, but this time to even it out I would have had to eat just about the whole carton, so I opted not to, and while I do feel pleased with my restraint, I'm faced with the knowledge that I am a chronic ice cream tunneler.

Flight of the Conchords- Business Time

May turned me on (no pun intended) to Flight of the Concords, and I am basking in the hillariousness. Warning: This video may make you want to get down to "business". All you'll need is one baggy T-shirt, and a pair of business socks....

funny part II

Andrea: I need ice cream. (I've eaten a lot of ice cream this week, our supply has been depleted, and now I'm suffering withdrawls.)

Paul: Have some hot chocolate. It's like ice cream, but hot....and liquidy.....

funny

Paul: I trust you further than I throw things......yeah, figure that one out.

We're watching the office right now. When Michael called the website his "brain grandchild", I nearly peed my pants with laughter.

about last night....

I woke up at about 3:00 in the morning, and felt a sudden urge to consume ice cream. Since my will power is not the strongest at such an ungodly hour, I obeyed immediately and stood in my unmentionables at the kitchen counter as I consumed the remainder of the party cake ice cream . I felt slightly guilty when I woke up, and was reminded of a poem I used to love, by William Carlos Williams:

This is Just to Say

I have eaten
the plums
that were in
the icebox

and which
you were probably
saving
for breakfast

Forgive me
they were delicious
so sweet
and so cold

I love it, and I feel it's pretty applicable to my situation, except for the whole fruit part. Just replace that with ice cream, and you've got it.

Sesame Street News Flash: Rapunzel

I was watching a clip from SNL that spoofed Rowlf and the Swedish Chef, and got to thinking about some of my favorite Sesame Street skits....fast breaking news flash was always so awesomely silly. Ahhhhh, good times watching Sesame street while making forts in the family room out of pillows and blankets.....sweet, sweet nostalgia.....

flawed

I think we can all agree this is pretty bad.....

Now, isn't this better?

So, I just read a post on a friend's blog, with an excerpt from Joel Stein's Time essay titled "You are not my friend", and pretty much I heart it forever, with a heart shaped exclamation point......it's talking about how we always present our most airbrushed selves to the blogging world, and I ate it up with a spoon, I tell you....and, it got me thinking. This is true, really. When posting a picture, I do generally try to make sure it's fairly flattering, and even when posting something that is meant to look candid, I'm still trying to make sure that Paul and I look polished, and that I'm not slouching, and that I'm not turned the wrong way so my nose looks huge. Immediately after I read the aforementioned post that I am now in love with, I had this surge of do-gooderness, and I thought, "I know!!! I'll post a totally unflattering, very real picture of myself to show that I'm not afraid of real life!!! This will inspire millions and surely be mentioned in my behind-the-music!!" Then, I thought...."Well, do I really want to do that?? I mean, there are some really unflattering pictures of me out there....maybe something that's only mildly yucky?? Maybe some iffy lighting, or I'm making a face that I could call weird, but that in actuality is charming and quirky. Yeah, maybe that...." And, there I go again. So, I bit the bullet, and downloaded a picture of myself that is, I feel, completely unflattering. There are a few things going on here:

1. The mid-sentence picture. Who among us has not cringed at the photo snapped while speaking? While in the moment we were perhaps being most charming and well versed in whatever subject being discussed, in the picture it merely comes across as kind of ticked-off.

2. Growing-out hair. I feel that we should have some sort of limitation or rule on being photographed when in the process of growing out one's hair. This an arduous process, to be undertaken only by those who feel they can walk past cute swingy short cuts without ducking into the nearest Aveda. I am proud to say I have not yet succumbed, but I fear one glimpse at this picture may have many wondering why....

3. The slouch. I would like to formally apologize to my mother, who did always remind me to sit up straight, for disregarding her teaching and slouching with wild abandon, as seen above. It just felt so good.....but I'm a changed woman now. I swear, Mom, I won't do it again. On camera.

There. I think that just about covers it. I am flawed, for all the world to see. I included the charmingly quirky picture, just to make myself feel better.

The Office

I loved that picture of the old lady from the Titanic. That's funny stuff. Just wanted to put that out there.

stickler

Someone misquoted I Love Lucy at work the other day. I got mad. Okay, maybe not mad, but really really annoyed. Know why?? Because I have memorized way more I Love Lucy episodes than I would ever like to admit in court. Also, I would like to never have to be in court. For the record. Anyways, I'm a stickler for I Love Lucy. And some other things too, but right now I'm going to focus on Lucy. I think I Love Lucy is pretty much the funniest show on the planet. I feel like there is an episode of I Love Lucy for just about every situation that can arise in life. Are you having trouble adjusting to life with a newly pregnant wife? Does your husband watch sports all the time? Do you have little sales resistance? Are you mad because your band leader husband won't let you be in his show? I could go on and on. I won't though, because I'd like to spare you the full extent of my geekiness. I somehow duped the nicest and coolest and smartest and best looking guy I knew into marrying me and then said...."Ummm, yeah, so I like to memorize episodes of I Love Lucy....so, we cool?" It's just that I feel like sitcoms these days are mere suggestions of what true comedy should be, and instead of originality actual humor I am being fed something that is actually not humor at all, but something yucky that the producer people try to hide with some only mildly appealing stuff, like when my mom tried to get me to eat vegetables by hiding them in other things, like potatoes. But guess what!!! I wasn't fooled then, and I'm not fooled now!! I STILL don't like vegetables, and I STILL don't like yucky sitcoms!!! ( the nice ones I like, though. But still not vegetables.) Anyways, back to work. Someone was quoting "Vitameatavegamin", which just happens to be one of my all time favorite episodes, and she said "and it's good for you, too!" Well, I'll have you know its SUPPOSED to be "It's so tasty, too! Tastes just like candy.", but you may remember from previous posts that I'm a chicken, and so I of course said nothing, but sat in my little stickler world, repeating the REAL words in my mind and celebrating my inner stickler.

Disclaimer: I'd just like to say that I have nothing but respect for people who like vegetables. I hope someday to be able to join you. I hope you realize I was only trying to make a point.