Monday, October 22, 2007
please make me laugh
So, today someone asked me when Paul and I were going to have a baby. I love this question because it implies that I have some sort of control over this. I say, "Hopefully soon...", which is my answer for publication, and then she tells me to relax, because then it will happen. She tells me that she waited a long time to have her second baby, and this worked for her. "How long did it take you?" I ask, and she says "four months." Hmmmm. I don't like to minimize someone else's problems, because obviously to her, this is a long time. Since I don't feel like telling her that I've been trying for four years, I say "Wow, okay, yeah..." and then she spends five more minutes explaining to me exactly what I need to do, and how I need to relax, and that I'll get pregnant in the next two months. I felt slightly annoyed afterwards, which I felt bad about because she's really very sweet, and only meant to help, which led me to wanting nothing more than a very large gooey brownie with some milk. (I medicate with food.) So, now I'm thinking, how can I laugh about this? How can I make this funny, so I'm not annoyed? A very large gooey brownie with milk is certainly very therapeutic, but not terribly funny. Unless the brownie could tell a joke before being consumed. I think normally they say you should picture someone in their underwear, but I don't think that applies to this situation....
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14 comments:
Eat your huge gooey brownie. I think chocolate is indisputably related to fertility. And then I refer you to the video clip on Justin's blog, The Barry Gibb Talk Show. If that doesn't make you laugh, go on, have another brownie.
You are a better person than I am. I would not be trying to think of ways to make this funny. . . I would be trying to think of ways to pee in her diet coke. And I for sure would have said, "I'll see your 4 months and raise you 4 years. Tool." Like I said you are a better person than I am.
jenn- holy cow, I think I pulled a muscle, I laughed so hard!!! That was awesome. Now, if you could just fly out here so we could go shopping and go to Spamalot, that would be perfect. Can you please talk to your people and make that happen? I know your people are quite small and demand a lot of your attention, but tell them you'll bring them back a model of the empire state building.
amy- another muscle pulled from laughing so hard!!! Peeing in someone's diet coke is awesome revenge. I'm going to have to remember that one the next time I get ticked off. I'll be thinking "How dare you!! I'm so mad I could....okay, calm down, Andrea. Just pee in their diet coke, and you'll feel much better." Yessss. That was just what I needed.
We had some friends that tried for 5 years and they had come up with a bunch of one-line responses to pull out when others would ask them when they were going to have a kid... this may be a bit crude here, but one that made me laugh the hardest was, "Yeah, well my husband? He just can't get it up." Tends to shut people up pretty fast, even if it's not true.
Kendra, that is hillarious. What's even better, I work in male urology so I've got a hefty supply of viagra and cialis pens on hand for props....also, how's "We decided to wait until they stopped making "Pirates of the Caribbean" movies, and, well, they're working on #4, hopefully they stop soon so we can finally have a kid.."
How about, "Actually, we hate kids." Or, "Zero population is the answer my friend." (Can you id the movie that's from?)
Four months to have their second child. Wow. I can't even imagine what it would be like to actually expect to get pregnant in that short a time. It's really funny how extremely fertile people don't realize WHAT A BLESSING IT IS to have their body run like clockwork. They think that they are normal and have "figured it out," waiting for us morons to catch up.
I definitely would have have said something. You are a very good person.
Say something like "with Paul's multiple personalities, and my double vision, our family is big enough". Then eat your brownie.
Andrea, you are such a better person than me. I want to give you a hug, and perhaps share a brownie.
I once told a girl (in UTAH), that I was worried about what it was going to do to my body. I wish I got a picture of her face.
Frankly, I think that is a very personal question, and none of anyones dang business!
kendra- I think I'm going to start a list. That is hillarious!
Ellen- You're so right, a lot of people don't realize how amazing it is that it actually works...I had a moment a few weeks ago just thinking about everything and it just really hit me what a miracle the human body is, and that people ever get pregant at all....
mommy2- hahahaha!!! what a witty response. I am definitely going to catalogue that one. And then eat a brownie.
Julia- I'll take both the hug and the brownie, thank you...yes, let's eat lots and lots of brownies! I totally wish I could have been a fly on the wall to see that girl's face. I'm going to have to remember that one, too. Girl day soon?
What is WRONG with people? I'm surprised she didn't invite herself into your bedroom to coach you along in the process. "I see your problem here. Your technique is all wrong. A little to the left and I think you'll get it this time."
Just fly down here and eat some mexican food with me. That will make you feel great.
Shelley, that gave me the funniest mental picture!! I laughed for a good two minutes straight, and then missed you a whole lot.
Andrea- I am a little scared to leave you a comment for A) you might think I am some crazy blogging stalker (which i sort of am) and B) you might think it's weird that I would comment on such a subject without being "that" close to you. Unfortunelty for you- I get over my fears easily and decided to type away...Any ways, back to the blog- I SO HEAR YOU on this subject. People would ask Jared and I the dumbest questions imaginable! Especially after I miscarried. Jared would just come out and tell them the baby died and thank them for being so kind and bringing it up again. He would then inform them how after every time someone asks me such questions, I would break down and it would cost him upwards of $1,000 to make me happy again. (as if IVF wasn't expensive enought! This is the stuff no one tells you about) I say eat everything you want. Brownies, cookies, candy- BRING IT ON! I feel for you and will spare you the "I'll keep you in my prayers" but will tell you that I really really really wish good things for you and there is no quick fix. No quick answer. No quick nothing when it comes to infertility. If you ever want to talk/write I will gladly fill you in on the one subject I wish I knew nothing (but actually do) know about.
Hey, Shannon, it's great to hear from you! Not scary at all, just reallyreally nice. I think it's awesome that you're so open about your experiences...I think that's a really healthy way to deal, and it's totally helpful for other people (such as yours truly) who are also dealing with it. Anyhoo, thanks again so much for the post, I really appreciated it! I'm definitely going to make a pan of brownies tonight and while devouring it (and the five pound bag of Twizzlers I'm picking up on my way home) I'll focus some positive chi your way as well. I think I just might have some questions at some point, so thanks for the support. That was completely awesome. Up with chocolate, dude. And facials. And Anthropologie.
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