on unsolicited fish plates

Has anyone else seen the commercials for Long John Silver's?

You know, the ones where someone walks up to the fast food counter and orders a greasy and calorie laden dish only to be doused with buckets of water and handed a plate of fish?

Every time I watch that commercial I can't help but think....

I would be really peeved, man.

I mean, if I ordered french fries, you bet your sweet patootie I want my french fries. Also I don't want to have to sit all soaking wet and eat my fish plate that I didn't want in the first place.

I'm just saying.

Also Ellen said that I've been posting about food a lot lately, and she's completely, completely right, so I would also like to say that in my American Lit class today I totally made a comment about how the Gettysburg Address contrasts with the Declaration of Independence and came dangerously close to letting a "booyeah" slip out. I didn't, though. Also I wasn't even thinking about food when I made the comment. For the record.

Booyeah.

a little weezer for your friday

So a fun thing to do when you're supposed to be working on your paper for your literature class is to look up silly music videos on youtube. This has long been a favorite of mine, seeing as it features THE MUPPETS and I really, REALLY love the muppets. Okay, fine. I'll go work on my paper.

just to make it interesting

My shipment of Girl Scout Cookies has arrived.

Five boxes of thin mints.

Yep. I know.

At least it isn't twelve boxes like last year.

i immediately regret this decision

Ahem. Let it be known to all that I, Andrea Boerem, have of my own free will determined to eat only one dessert a week for the month of March.

I'm really not sure what I was thinking.

It just happened so fast- I was doing some grocery shopping with my friend Hillary, and all of a sudden she was telling me how she's cutting back desserts to once a week and I was nodding my head in frenzied agreement and saying "Yeah! I've been meaning to cut back on sweets anyway!!"

Which I have. What? Well, I have.

Really. Although I guess it's been more of an idea floating around the back of my brain, along with some others like wanting to memorize the entire Constitution including amendments (good party trick) and learning how to do a back-flip. You know, things that I never actually plan to do.

I really have been on sort of a shame spiral in the sweets department lately. Now, I've never been one to deny my undying love of sugar. Sure, I'll have chocolate chip cookies for breakfast sometimes, and cheesecake is just as yummy for dinner as it is for dessert, but lately it's gotten.....bad. Really, really bad.

I think I realized it when I polished off the last of an entire sheet of eclair cake. For lunch. Which was followed by ice cream for dinner. Chased by some golden Oreos for a nightcap.

So, it was time for a change. Maybe that's what I was thinking. Or maybe I was shamed into it after reading one of those tell-all stories about supermodel diets where you find out that all they eat is tofu and paper.

Either way, I found myself walking home from the grocery store trying desperately to weasel my way out of my predicament. We said desserts only once a week, but natural sugars were okay. Since fruit and I are still not on speaking terms, I reviewed my remaining options.

Honey is natural. That's good. I love honey. What else? Granola bars are okay, we agreed on those, that's good....hmmm. Things were looking bleak already.

I walked in to the apartment. I'm only eating one dessert a week for the month of March, I said.

Paul stared. Why?

Good question. I mumbled something about eclair cake, and retired to the kitchen to examine the contents of my pantry for something that tasted like a Mars bar without actually containing sugar.

I meant to start on Sunday, but then we had a baby shower to go to and someone brought homemade chocolate mousse and I'm not made of stone, people, so.....I caved. I caved and inhaled that silken chocolatey deliciousness and thought....tomorrow. I'll start tomorrow.

I meant to. I really meant to, but Kevin and Ryanne came over for dinner and they brought S'mores cookies which I had never before heard of but oh heavenly day they smelled celestial, and.... I melted. I melted into a weak-willed Andrea puddle and devoured that S'mores cookie with wild abandon. I only had one, though. That's a start, right?

Things are getting better. This morning, for example, I didn't even think about having my normal pre-breakfast sampling of ice cream. I'm pretty proud of that. Also I made blueberry muffins and I only had two measly ones, so small that really they only count as one. Although I may have put some chocolate chips in the mix. Maybe.

Paul just came in. He saw what I'm posting about. Are you sticking with it? He asked me with a look on his face like I'm about to split myself into two people.

Uh, yeah, I said, the muffins don't count, to which Paul replied WHO ARE YOU KIDDING? THE MUFFINS TOTALLY COUNT, so I said actually they don't because they're just the Jiffy muffin mix kind and I only put a few chocolate chips in them, and chocolate chips are totally found in granola bars and we agreed granola bars are okay and also muffins aren't a dessert they're a snack, so....

I'm good. I'm compliant, and I would like the Invisible Sweets Police People to know that.

Then Paul asked, where are you going to get with denial like that?

I don't know what he's talking about. I'm not in denial.