I just broke up with my old deodorant.
It was a long time coming. I mean, don't get me wrong, I smelled good and all, and I was relatively sweat-free to boot, but I just wanted...a change, or something.
You might know that I have issues with lady deodorant scents. I think they're ridiculous. This might be out of character for me, since I am kind of unabashedly girly in other areas of my life, but the fact that just because I have lady parts I am forced to choose between scents like "mango-passion-feeling-flower" and "blooming-rose-teardrop-sparkle" really makes me want to punch something.
So, for the last forever, I have been sticking with Dove Cool Essentials Green Tea and Cucumber. It smelled nice, and the scent name didn't make me want to smash anything. But sometimes you want more from a deodorant than a mere failure to produce violent tendencies, right?
I mean, the old fire was gone. When I stepped out the shower and swiped my underarms, it had become so routine, you know? There was no magic, no gleeful sniffing, no shouting for Paul to COME SMELL ME BECAUSE I SMELL AWESOME.
We were trying to work through things when, one fateful afternoon shopping at Target, I spotted it. Dove had released a brand new scent: Refreshing.
How.....REFRESHING!!!
I removed the cap, wafted the bar under my nose, I sniffed, and.....
Heaven. Sheer, delightful, REFRESHING heaven.
"PAUL!!!" I shouted, not realizing he had long since moved several aisles over, "COME SMELL THIS!!!"
I smiled apologetically at the family inching nervously past me, clutched my new-found love to my chest, and dashed over to Paul, waving the bar of deodorant over my head like a trophy.
And I haven't looked back. My parting with Old Deodorant was amicable. I think we both would like to remain friends. And we're not ruling out a future reconciliation. The nice thing about breaking up with a deodorant is that since it's an inanimate object, there aren't any feelings to hurt.
Now I keep waiting for Paul to notice how amazing I smell. He hasn't said anything. Probably playing hard to get. I think tonight I might try doing the classic arm-over-the-shoulder move combined with a standing stretch, something to get the nose-to-armpit ratio just right, you know?
Oh, deodorant. I love you.
We're in the honeymoon phase. If I could make out with my deodorant without getting icky tasting stuff in my mouth, I totally would.
5 comments:
Paul probably just hasn't noticed it because he is smelling "swagger" most of the time.
Congratulations on your new relationship! I find I have to change up my deodorants every year or so because my body gets used to them and they become less effective. Am I weird?
I really like the simple shower fresh scents. I hate the ones that smell like baby powder, which seems to be most of them. Why do I want to smell like a baby?
turbo- i think you've hit the nail on the head. paul needs to stop being sniffing selfish.
ellen- NOBODY wants to smell like a baby!! i think it's a conspiracy. it's the glass ceiling. or something.
When the heck are you going to move closer to me so we can go deodorant shopping together at Target?!! I would totally appreciate your new relationship, and compliment you on your new refreshing scent.
Come on, it's only 3000 miles from Columbia. Paul can commute.
redstarmama- say, that's a GREAT IDEA!!! 3,000 miles is practically next door. maybe i'll ask the universe if it would mind moving new york to right next to california. i don't think that's asking too much. you're such a good friend for appreciating my nice smelling armpits.
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