denial tastes delicious in mint

It all started with finals. I just needed a little pick me up, I told myself. Just a little reward for the bajillion hours of studying I was about to embark upon.

So, I bought a half gallon of Turkey Hill Limited Edition Junior Mint ice cream. Delicious. Minty ice cream with a fudgy swirl and mini Junior Mint candies mixed in, which provided a lovely chewy texture I found entirely delightful. It lasted about twelve hours.

A day later I burrowed among the ice cream cartons at Associated grocery store searching for my next fix. I bought the last carton and marched home triumphant, my mouth watering in anticipation.

Well, a half gallon of ice cream will only get you so far. In my experience it's good for about one to two study sessions and one final exam, max. Max. So, over the course of the week I purchased about eight cartons of ice cream, each in a varying flavor and texture combination but all involving mint which is my....obsession? Is obsession too strong a word? Love seems too weak, and habit has kind of a negative association and there is nothing negative about my love for ice cream.....I think you get the idea.

I can't stop.

On Wednesday night as I polished off the last of a half gallon of Edy's Limited Edition Girl Scout Thin Mint ice cream I thought, I oughta stop. I mean, my last test was on Thursday. Maybe it was time to scale back a bit. Maybe consume something with the word's "whole" and "wheat" in the ingredients.

The thing is, on Thursday night I just felt so free, so joyful, upon the completion of my last test, I kinda felt like a celebration was in order. I'll just stop by Associated, I thought. Just see what they've got.

Skinny Minty.

Yep. Minty ice cream with Grasshopper Cookies and a chocolate cookie swirl.

I'll just get a half gallon, I said to myself. A half gallon is nothing. I eat a half gallon for breakfast.

It was delectable. Smooth and velvety, the chocolate cookie swirl provided a slightly grainy and crunchy texture that not only satisfied my craving but filled me with a general sense of goodwill towards all mankind.

I ate half the carton.

When I woke up in the morning and stumbled to the freezer for just a couple of spoonfuls (hair of the dog that bit me, you know?) I realized....

Geez. This is almost gone.

I need more. MORE! MORE ICE CREAM!!

I'll go back to the store. I'll go this afternoon.....after I'm done working on my Columbia application! Yeah, like a reward! That's good. They say you need a reward when you're working on something stressful!

Or I could just go now. Yeah, now is good.

So, I threw some clothes on, made sure nothing was growing out of my teeth or stuck to my hair and bolted to the store.

I catapulted myself down the aisle. No one in front of the ice cream, that's good. I scanned the flavors, not seeing it, not seeing it....

EUREKA!!! THREE CARTONS!!! THREE BEAUTIFUL CARTONS OF MINTY GOODNESS!!! MINE, ALL MINE!!!!!!!!! MWAH HA HA HA!!!!!

That last part was all in my head, just to clarify.

I piled the cartons on the checkout desk. THIS IS THE BEST ICE CREAM FLAVOR EVER, I shouted at the checkout girl, and inside my brain the evil ice cream queen whispered but you'll never know that because I just bought the last cartons!!!! MWAH HA HA HA!!!

I really should stop evil laughing in my head so much.

Anyway, walking out of the store with my precious cargo I just felt so happy, so filled with God's love and so happy that God had made someone who had made ice cream that I thought....I could share. YEAH, SHARE THE ICE CREAM!!!!!!!!

So I showed up on my friend's doorstep, greasy and unshowered and beaming like an idiot.

ICE CREAM!! I yelled, holding up my bag of treasure.

She was probably worried that I would harm myself if she didn't let me in, and graciously allowed me to enter. We proceeded to devour some icy creamy deliciousness.

She has a daughter, an adorable pinchable eighteen month old, and being the wise mother she is, has already begun schooling her young ward in the multiple benefits of ice cream consumption, so the little one joined us in our revelry.

It turns out that in comparison to an eighteen month old, I am a mere amateur when it comes to ice cream devouring. I mean, she just stuck her spoon into her mom's bowl when she wasn't looking! How bold, how sneaky, how brilliant!

And when I asked her how she liked her ice cream and she stuck her spoon into my bowl, she was of course shrewdly taking my inquiry as an invitation! Of course, it's all semantics! Oh, to be eighteen months old again!

How about when I asked her if she was all done and she proceeded to place the bowl directly over her face? What thriftiness! What recognization of the problem of wastefulness so rampant in our society!

Clearly I am but a fledgling in my quest to understand the entirety of psycological, spiritual and physiological benefits an ice cream rich diet can provide.

I think I'll do some more research right now.