Edgar Allen Poe's Secret Theory For Reality Show Success

So, you know Edgar Allen Poe? Famous American author, sort of crazy dude, wrote "The Raven"?

Well, we read some of his stuff in my American Literature class, and after the flashbacks from junior high speech competitions stopped and I was able to stop saying "nevermore" over and over again, I thought, huh.

So Poe was really big on technique. I had no idea. He actually wrote an essay on literary composition. He had this secret formula for writing great American literature which of course isn't a secret anymore because he totally published it.

Well, I have a theory of my own:

If Poe was alive today and trying to mastermind a formula for winning the 2009 Eurovision Competition, it would probably look something like this:

First, you should be good looking. Really, really good looking.

Second, you should probably have a violin. If you can dance around while you're playing it, so much the better, but a fiddle should be involved.

Third, make sure you've got some strapping lads wearing suspenders. Have them do gymnastics behind you while you're singing. And push ups... in circles!! Yeah, have them do push ups in circles around you!! Perfect.

Fourth, get a couple of nice looking dames. Stick them in some flow-y pink dresses. Have them sing back up. They can dance a little bit, that's cool. Just make sure they're pretty.

Let's see, anything else? Handsome, got that, violin, push ups, what am I missing?

Oh. Fireworks.

Well, there you go. The complete formula for successfully winning a reality show competition. It totally worked for this dude.