The Fine Art of Junk Food Consumption

I love junk food. Ever since I can remember, I have loved junk food. I have fond memories of my first grape soda (mentioned in a previous post), the first time I had Kraft macaroni and cheese (at Tiffany Effland's house after school), and the love affair only blossomed with the onset of junior high and high school. In junior high, my lunch of choice was three Snickers bars and an RC Cola. In high school, my tastes became more mature and eclectic, and I moved on to those tasty soft chocolate chip cookies with a thing of cream cheese to smear on top. I also loved the chocolate chip cookie dough frozen yogurt (I saved all the cookie dough bits for the very end), and who doesn't love those individual pizzas? Now that I am (I suppose) a grown-up, I have to curb my junk food loving tendencies a bit and eat things like bran cereal, but I think that junk food knows it will always have a special place in my heart. Now that my deep and abiding love of junk food has been appropriately introduced, I would like to move on to the real reason for this post: the strategy of successful junk food eating. This is something requiring careful thought, consideration and planning. A careful balance must be maintained, with equal parts chocolate, fruity, cupcakes/baked goods, ice cream, and salty/deep fried. My personal technique involves eating a little of every group, not enough to over-do it. I have heard of some people doing revolutionary things like eating carrots in between to cleanse the pallet and creat delusions of health amidst the gluttony, but we all know my relationship with vegetables....anyhow today, together with three friends, I achieved junk food nirvana. First, we went to Economy Candy where I loaded up on some essentials: Pop Rocks, Sugar Babies, Nerds, Mars bars (mmmm, British candy!!), Cadbury Dairy Milk, an economy size bag of Swedish fish (just large enough for me to cradle gently in my arms and coo lovingly at), Tootsie Rolls, and an Abba Zabba for Paul. I tried to hit all the major candy groups, but really Economy Candy has such an extensive selection that several trips would be required to fully appreciate the available bounty: oldies but goodies (nerds, razzles, push pops, sugar babies), connoisseur (dark chocolate, French candy, German candy), chocolates, jelly belly, I'm sure I'm leaving a good deal out, but you get the idea. Then we went to Sugar Sweet Sunshine for cupcakes where I devoured a lemon cupcake and a sexy red velvet cupcake (the actual name of the cupcake! It was sexy, too.), and I took a couple to go. Then we went to the Chip Shop for fish n chips and enjoyed some of their deep fried candy bars (Mars, Reeses, Twinkie). Unfortunately since I had devoured two cupcakes already (poor planning on my part) when we reached the Chip Shop, I couldn't really do justice to my meal and had to bring it home, so perhaps not complete nirvana, but pretty close. Nirvana is good, right?? I think Nirvana is good. If it's actually bad, then replace nirvana with euphoria. It's just that I think nirvana sounds a little cooler. Like I was eating junk food in Tibet.