hello, utah

Hello, Utah.

We're going to visit you this week. If you could please make sure that you are not humid in the slightest (and that should not be a problem) I would greatly appreciate it.

Also if you could tell everyone to be extra nice (and that should not be a problem) we will come back to the big city and tell everyone how nice all your people are and who doesn't like a little good PR?

Thanks for having pretty mountains and also for being a home to some of my favorite people.

Tell American Fork I say hi. I was born there, so I think she knows me.

i heart being an aunt

So, have I ever told you how much I love being an aunt?

Well, I love it. My nephew Q is a genius, and he's the handsomest and I think he's already been contacted by Mensa and he's got a modeling contract and a book deal and I LOVE HIM.

I'm going to need to make some room in my heart, though, because MY BROTHER DAVID IS GOING TO BE A DAD!!!

Hooray, babies!!

I heart being an aunt.

an affair to remember (a brief encounter with bacon)

Yesterday I ate bacon, with scrambled eggs and cheese.

It was magical.

I hadn't had bacon with scrambled eggs and cheese for quite some time. Probably because we broke up a little while ago. I mean, we had GREAT chemistry, but I found out that bacon was clogging my arteries, him and his friends eggs and cheese, and I was all like "I love you but you're bad for me" and then bacon was all "You'll be back" and I was like "No way...but probably...."

And that was that.

But yesterday I got home from the gym and I heard the siren call of bacon as it wafted over from Vicky's diner, and all of a sudden it was of the utmost importance that I find myself sitting in front of a sizzling plate of bacon-y love AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.

I didn't even look at the menu. No need. I ordered, and sat with a watering mouth as I waited.

It was like I was cheating on my current diet. Like I had left the house and kissed my diet goodbye and promised to be good and then there I was, checking in to the Crazy Eights Motel wearing dark glasses and drooling nervously as I waited for bacon to saunter in.

"Well, hello," bacon said, "I knew you'd be back."

"You smell amazing! How I've missed you....your smell, your sizzle, that cute way you crunch....whatever happened between us?"

"Ah, I believe you left me for tofu and whole wheat bread."

"Right, right....sorry....so, we don't have much time...."

And I picked up my fork.

I stumbled back into the apartment smelling slightly oily, with a grease stain on my collar.

I do hope my current diet doesn't notice.

the nerdy mermaid

Well, here it is. Proof for all the world to see that I, Andrea Boerem, did dress up as a mermaid, ride the subway in said mermaid outfit, and march in the Coney Island Mermaid Parade. I'm the nerdy mermaid in glasses and polka dots. I gotta say, wearing fins made me feel quite mermaid-chic.

One of my fellow mermaids is blessed with a boyfriend who will do just about anything on a dare, and who consented to dress up as our mermaid butler and carry the cookies we baked. I think he kinda makes the group, don't you?

And look at how lovely my fellow mermaids are!! Doesn't Reagan look like Marilyn Monroe?

What an experience! What a very lot of drunk guys yelling "Hey mermaid! Gimme a cookie to go with my beer" there were!

Aaaaaaaaaahhhh. Good memories. Good memories.

p.s. Big thank-you to Jake for taking the pictures. Didn't he do a great job? When you dress up as a mermaid, photo-journalistic integrity is definitely a priority.

i am in love with a future dad

I want to post some pictures from nursery, but the computer gods aren't letting me. I think I'm being punished. So, no pics right now.

Since today is a day for fathers, I want to shout from the rooftops my greatgreat love for my own father, and for my wonderful father-in-law, who are both prime examples of incredible dads.

But really, REALLY, I want to say that I am in love with this guy named Paul and someday he is going to be an amazing dad.

So, HAPPY FATHERS DAY, PAUL!!!

He gets so shy when the spotlight is on him. But I don't care.

I'm in love with a future dad.

hans christian andersen, eat your heart out

Hey, so guess what I'm doing tomorrow?

Oh, you know, wake up, feed the cats, eat some breakfast, and then DRESS UP LIKE A MERMAID AND MARCH IN THE CONEY ISLAND MERMAID PARADE.

In other words, the usual.

My friend Reagan is mildly obsessed with mermaids, and ever since she attended the parade last year, she's been dreaming of having a pair of fins all her own.

So, a few of us are joining her. Since we're not quite as exhibitionist as some, we're going to be 1950's -ish housewife mermaids, and wear aprons over our fins. We're even going to hand out home-baked cookies.

Can. Not. Wait.

donuts are the only answer

Paul's having a bad day.

He worked last night, and when I woke up this morning, Paul was sitting on the chair in our bedroom, looking like he might puke, or cry, or maybe both.

Maybe I'm exaggerating. But not much.

One of the nurse practitioners is moving back to Israel and leaving Paul with the undesirable task of re-working the entire schedule. Paul tends to be a fatalist, so if things are bad, THEY ARE VERY, VERY BAD AND PROBABLY WON'T GET BETTER EVER EVER.

I, however, am not a fatalist, but an optimist, so with me if things are bad THEY ARE ONLY GOING TO BE BAD FOR A LITTLE WHILE AND YOU'LL BE SO MUCH STRONGER AFTER AND YOU SHOULD PET THE KITTIES AND HAVE A HUG AND EVERYTHING WILL BE BETTER.

We go well together.

So, Paul spent most of the morning making noises that sounded a lot like "AAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH", while I made noises that sounded a lot like "AAAAAAAAAWWWWWWW".

So, we met some friends at The Donut Plant, because I always say nothing pulls you out of a downward spiral like a little refined white sugar. Our friends have this baby named Violet and she's awesome and we're totally best friends and you might be thinking why am I telling you this now but don't worry, you'll see.

So we ate our donuts and Paul started to look a little less like he might die, which made me pretty happy, only I made the mistake of asking him how he was feeling and I got an "AAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGHHHH"

This was surprising because he had the creme brulee donut and the chocolate blackout donut which is, I think, equal to like a double dose of anti-depressants, so obviously more work was needed and then Paul was all like

"LET ME HOLD THAT BABY" and he said it the way I would imagine you might say "I NEED WATER OR I WILL DIE" and Jen magnanimously handed over Violet, who promptly grabbed Paul's beard and began cooing.

It worked like a charm. After a few minutes of tossing a squealing Violet up in the air and after a large pepperoni and sausage pizza and a trip to Murray's Cheese Shop, things seem to be looking up for Paul.

I'm thinking of asking Jen if we could hire Violet on retainer. You never know when you might need a cute baby to cuddle.