"Kevin and Ryanne are going to spend the night."
Paul says this to me on our way home from church. This makes me happy. Ecstatic. Kevin and Ryanne are among my favorite people in the universe. And Paul and I walk to the subway and my brain is having all these happy thoughts about playing with my nephew and then my brain is like,
"You have to clean, Andrea." And in case you were wondering, my brain has a voice that sounds like Judi Dench so it can be kinda intimidating. My brain means business.
And then I am ecstatic and also freaking out about the fact that I'm pretty sure I threw the entire contents of my dresser onto the floor in a frantic search for my magenta turtleneck and I NEED TO REMEDY THIS NOW.
We get back from church, and I walk into our bedroom and Paul follows me with the look on his face that says "I will do whatever you say because I think there's a good chance you're unstable at present" and I start throwing stuff in closets and drawers and I make this noise:
"AAAARRRGH"
And by "AAAAARRRGH" I mean "I am feeling mildly unhappy about my inability to make my bed before leaving the apartment."
Paul doesn't get that, though. Paul thinks I'm doing a fun pirate voice and he responds:
"AAAAAAARRRRGH, shiver me timbers, we be having a lot of cleaning to do, matey!!"
And I glare. Just to make clear the fact that I am not, in fact, playing pirate, and that I am engaged in some very non-pirate like cleaning. And then I laugh.
Because that's just funny, man.
11 comments:
Hilarious. This causes me to wonder: do you often, when unstable, role-play?
just curious.
Ha ha ha. Amazing.
Your brain sounds like dame Judi dench? Lucky!! Mine sounds like Tim gunn.
miriam- dude, when i'm unstable, anything goes. i'm sure i've done weirder things than acting like a pirate. i think one time i ate a whole jar of chocolate sundae sauce. maybe the pirate thing was weirder.
reagan- tim gunn, aaaaawesome!! you have such a stylish and self-possessed brain voice. also your brain voice looks really good in a suit.
My brain sounds like my mom used to sound when I was in trouble for doing something I knew better than to do. I wish I got a celebrity brain voice.
Since you and Paul will be spending several nights at my house in the nearest of futures, I am going to be making unstable pirate noises quite often this week. I'm sure my kids will enjoy this.
Thanks for the laugh...you guys crack me up. :-)
I'm a big fan of pirate-y humor. Big fan.
Here's a few more:
How do you know if you're a pirate? You don't, you just ARRRRR!
How much does it cost a pirate to get his ears pierced?
---A Buccaneer!
redstarmama- yay! pirate noises! it's going to be THE BEST VACATION EVER!!!
andersons- thanks, dude! hope you guys had a good holiday!
anna- dude, you're like my pirate muse. i loves it.
holy cow. i'm fascinated by this brain voice thing. i think my brain voice is the same as my voice. how borring is that? wonder if i can order a new one on amazon or something. pretty sure my life would be much better if i had paula dean for my brain voice. or the late night show announcer that introduces david letterman. hmm.
also i like your your brain works, andrea! it makes me smile.
I kind of wish I was a fly on the wall at that moment. However, then I might have gotten killed in the frenzy to clean. Flies aren't "clean."
Miss you. I need my next big trip to take me to NYC.
stacey- dude, a paula deen brain voice sounds amazing!! that would be a really comforting brain voice, i think.
merebuff- i miss you. i miss eating sugar with you. i miss watching gilmore girls with you. come back from far away, alright?
This is just one of the funniest things you've written. and I ARRRRRn't kidding. As long as Paul doesn't make you walk the plank.
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