"Mom, I want a snack."
She's pretty adorable, this tiny girl who's just boarded the bus. Head to toe pink, umbrella included. I wish I could wear head to toe pink. Let me re-phrase: I wish I could wear head to toe pink and have people think I look cute.
"Mom, I want a snack."
She's not whining, just looking all cute and puzzled at her mom, who sighs patiently.
"I know, honey. Remember, you'll get a snack when you're all done with class?"
"Oh, okay."
She seems satisfied, and returns to admiring her frilly pink umbrella. I'm admiring it too, truth be told. It's quite a fine umbrella.
"Mom, I want a snack. Can I please have a snack?"
"Sorry sweets, you can have one when we're back from school, okay?"
Once again, this satisfies her. She peeks at me from her seat. I make a silly face at her, which she seems to like.
"Mom, I want a snack."
Here, my little friend determines that her previous tactics have proved ineffective, and she decides to step up her game. She's pretty sharp, and shrewdly decides to continue with the not whining (which is very big when you're five, from what I remember) and to go with a cool and calculated attack:
"Mom, I want a snack. Mom, I want a snack. Mom, I want a snack. But Mom, I want a snack. Mom, can I have a snack please? Mom, I'd like a snack. Mom, can I please have a snack?"
Her mother, demonstrating saint-like patience, calmly replies "I know, honey. I know."
It's my stop. I get off the bus, smiling and sad all at the same time. I think I know how she feels.
It's weeks later, and Paul and I are visiting some good friends who've just reproduced for the first time: a sweet baby girl. I'm holding her, patting her back, delighted when I get her to burp, beyond pleased that she's stopped crying and is nuzzling sweetly into my neck. I think:
Put me in, coach. I can do this.
I know, honey, I know.
I'd like a baby, please.
Remember, Andrea? You'll get one, when it's time.
Oh, okay.
So, how about now? Can I have a baby now? I swear, I'll be good. I'll feed it vegetables and everything. It's just that I'd really like one, and everyone else has one. I've been really patient, right? I mean, did you just see how I got her to stop crying? Good work, right? Well, there's way more where that came from. Have you seen my silly faces? And my diaper changing- pure magic, I tell you. I've got names picked out and everything. Good names, too. Not the kind that will get them made fun of, you know? And I found this website that has these really awesome onesies and there's one with a picture of the Ramones on it and how great is that? So, how about it? Can I have one?
No, not right now. Remember, soon, just not yet.
Right.
I think it's holy envy because it's a good thing that I want, right? A holy thing. It's not like I'm saying "Holy envy, Batman. I'd like a baby."
Paul smiles at me as we leave. He says:
"Put me in, coach. I can do this."
25 comments:
That was great...brought a little tear to my eye.
Like I said, promise me you'll keep writing.
well you know it's just that there is this totally popular reality show going on in heaven right now titled "Who gets to be Andrea and Paul's kid?" and it's really competitive and there were over a million applicants and it's taking some time to narrow it down;)
Andrea - please no pink all the way - who will then protect us from all evil in the office. Well maybe pink but then you need to have a pitch black hair and chains - so people get still scared - I mean me and Joe.
I think you should write a book - you have really nice style.
You will have a babe - by the way there are not so much fun after all - I can attest to it. Yesterday we went to A&F to buy Alex swim shorts for the YMCA - so I got there - he is trying on medium and screaming: bring me bigger one - they are too small.Well since Alex weights 120 punds at 6 feet, I was thinking that his hormones are hitting him in the head - but being a supportive father figure as he calls me (and a big one too) - I went to get large swim shorts - thinking - my God Paduch you are fat - you even wouldn't fit in the large one. Well on the way I looked at the baseball hats - weird - all are tooooooo small for me and have sticker: boys size large. I guess after 40 you should never come back to A&F. So Alex tried his short - look like a parachute on two pencils - his legs. We paid - and still it didn't hit me that there are a lot of 10 year old girls in this store. Weird. All happy we are leaving and a glance at the entrance brought me to reality: that we went to the children A&F. I kept it to myself so Alex doesn't realize that even large shorts for children are to big for him, if he really tries on normal men's swim shorts - he would probably cover himself all the way to the head. But again - as a parent - you just need to shut up and not tell your pinked dress daughter: honey - if you eat one more snack today - you will never fit again in your all pink dress. :-)
SOOOOOOO IF YOU EVER WANT TO FEEL LIKE WHAT IT IS LIKE A MOTHER(FATHER) just borrow a kid for couple months - I am telling you - they are all cute and nice when you can burb them, once they start walking on their feet - and God forbids - grow a bit of mustache (hopefully not a girl) then a cute factor feels so different.
Andrea - God gives us all different planes - life would be so boring without you in the office and think that after all you ARE the mother to us all - and to all of our patients who you help so much every day. The challenge in life is to look at what God puts in front of us every day and look beyond of what we think is the best for us, and trust that after all there is sense in all what we face. As I always say - two people don't fall in love because they see 2 little girls, picket fence and republicans at the steering wheel as their future, two people fall in love because of what they see in each other and the rest will come.
You know? When it's time? You're going to be the best mother I've ever been blessed to know. Except for my mom, of course. You're going to be out of this world. Oh, shoot. I have to go apologize to my mom now, but keep trusting the coach.
I wish I had a magic wand. I would give you what you want. If I only could...
I agree with Christina. Either that or your children will be future prophets/US presidents and the timing needs to be just right.
I love you, babe. That's all I can really say.
Justin and I were talking about who we would want to raise our kids if something were to happen to us, and you and Paul were our perfect couple. (Smart, educated, hilarious, well-dressed, spiritually sound. The vegetable vendetta was your only drawback!)So if I would trust you with my kids, HF will, too. The day you call me to say you're prego will be one of the Top 5 best days of my life.
Andrea You Are The Cheese To My Macaroni
Andrea, as I sit here with the same prayer in my heart I just want to wrap my arms around you and somehow take all this pain away. I can only say that I love you and when we are talking together in ten years we will be able to say, "remember how hard that time was but look how strong we have become."
How is it possible that you made my heart smile and break all in the same blog. I'm cheering for you. (and Paul- but I feel weird writing Paul because with the exception of Blogger, I know nothing about him. Never even met him. But I'll cheer for him any ways just because of you.) Come to California and I'll introduce you to my most favortie man in the whole world. He works miracles. promise.
I've said this to myself a million times.....although the wait is so blasted long, it will be worth it. And he/she will be so glad you never gave up.
I'm sorry Andrea. Why do some of the best people I know have the hardest trials?
I love and admire you for putting your feelings out there in such an amazing way. You are really blessed with a gift for writing. My goal is to write a book someday, but I think if anyone should, it should be you.
I am not a deeply religious person and I am not a big pray-er (couldn't think of how to spell that), but I put a prayer in for you often.
I don't think there is anything I hope for more in the world than for you and Paul to be parents. I know in my heart it will happen and that's what makes a conversation with you about babies (or the story you wrote) put a smile on my face.
Just like Tamara said, in ten years you and I will be at the DiGiovanni christmas and that little house will seem even more tiny because of the brood you and I have added to it. We will sit back with some connolis and we won't have to say a thing. Our faces will say it all.
That is why we always have to live close by, so we can share our blissful faces with each other all of the time.
I'm with may! on this one...you'll be the best parents when the time comes. :-) You gotta know the coach knows what he's doing.
I loved how you were able to put your feelings into words that were so touching and entertaining. I want you to be a mommy.
Sometimes I kind of have similar conversations with the coach about a husband.
Dude... possible the saddest and greates thing I have read on a blog. Maybe being pregnant will change the way you feel about vegetables. Instead of craving pickles and ice cream you'll crave a big huge bowl of squash.
Wow, I have been thinking about what I could say for a long time now. Still not sure, this post broke my heart.
I heart you, Andrea!
I cannot wait for the day you and Paul and Kevin and Ryanne fill our house with munchkins. I will sneak veggies in their backpacks, just for good measure. I want the coach to put you in the game.
I just want you to know how much I love you and pray for you. I don't know why we all have to wait for things we want so badly, but I just keep trusting that it's for a divine purpose. Let me know if you need anything!
Andrea, you are wonderful and good things happen to wonderful people. It is hard to remember that the timing is not in our hands. I have learned this lesson the hard way (especially these last 12 months!). Have you called Aunt Cindy yet? She is the designated mother hen of our Gale side...She has been helping me out so much on various issues, I would giver her a call! love you cuz! keep the faith!
I remember this hole envy conversation after watching the movie. Well written Andrea! I told Pat and Steve about Hannah's interpretive dancing during the Easter program. They laughted and really liked my demonstration. :)
love you, Andrea.
That has to be the most heart-wrenchingly (is that a word?) thing I've ever and it sounds like you exactly. I wish I could take you in my arms and make things magically OK but I'm sure your amazing mom has already tried that (along with some might powerful prayers. I really think Christina is right -- that the race is still hot and heavy for Paul and Andrea's kid contest. And what a lucky kid that will be. Be careful, though, you might get what you ask for and get a child whose "friendly face" negates everything this grandma says about her beautiful grandchildren. Love to you and Paul and although my prayers may be very feeble and many with faith mightier than mine are praying for you two, know that my are floating up to Heavenly Ears along with the best of them.
That's my mom, by the way...
you're such a good writer (sitting here crying just a little.) and i will be so happy for you when you get to have a baby and dress it in head to toe pink.
I love it when people can say what i feel in words i would never be able to find to express it. Thanks for letting us into your thoughts. Holy envy is such a weird feling how can you be happy for people having babies (all around you!they say its contagious but how can you catch the cold and not that?) and still be saying why not me? i hear you. its hard. And I feel like i should be grateful I have one( we waited 3 yrs fo rhim but he came finally when we decided it wasn't the right time) but I don't have the family I wanted (my goodness, my mom had 10. 5 is only half a family is that so much to ask for???)
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