You win.
Fine.
After twenty nine years of protesting vegetables, I've finally decided that maybe......MAYBE, you're right.
Last week as Paul and I discussed what to have for dinner, I offered to make him a salad. You should have some, he said. He had that tone like he was double dog daring me, and before I knew what was happening I said fine, I'll have some.
Good, he said.
Good, I said.
Then, I started hyperventilating.
As I seasoned the chicken and scrubbed the sweet potatoes, I thought......this is a pickle. A tight spot, to be sure. Could I get out of this? Was there a loophole? Did I say "maybe I'll have some"? That would totally give me an out, and then I could just.........
Geez. There wasn't any loophole. I was going to have to eat a stupid salad.
I placed the lettuce leaves gently on my salad plate. I felt like I was preparing for a funeral. My own funeral. I was going to die of eating salad. At least I could say I'd actually had ranch dressing on vegetables. I found consolation in that idea.
When I had eaten my chicken and sweet potato, I glared at my salad plate.
I hate you, salad.
I hate that you're green, because I really like the color green and I don't want to associate such negative emotions with such a great color, and I hate that you crunch in a weird sort of way, and I hate that I have to eat you to be healthy.
My fork wavered over my salad plate. Technique. What is the proper technique for salad eating? Is it better to mix in the dressing prior to consumption? Mixing was probably best, I decided.
I took a bite.
Nothing. No gag reflex, no vomiting.
I chewed, swallowed.
It was a miracle.
So I guess what I'd like to say is, I'm sorry, salad.
I don't hate you anymore. I will now moderately tolerate you. Also, thank you for not making me gag, or vomit. That was really quite decent of you. I'll remember that when I'm introducing my kids to you.
this is paul's salad. no way am i eating that much green stuff.
this is my salad. i think more than three leaves totally counts as a salad.
me, prior to making up with salad
finishing the last bite (note the telltale puddle of ranch on my plate)
okay, i guess it wasn't that bad. apparently i'm not ready to admit that.
16 comments:
lol'lol' I am so sorry I missed that! Love your hair!
the last comment was me Stacy.
Great Job!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I am so proud of you Andrea! I love the face you made after eating it! Not as good as the face you made after eating the brocoli on Walt's b-day. I think you should make a goal to keep on trying other veggies. Espesially BROCOLI!!!!!!!!!! Love Your Brother, John
1. I just fell out of my chair. I can honestly and accurately say I've known you longer than most people, and I am stunned.
2. Baby steps, my dear, baby steps.
3. I have issues with salad-eating techniques, too. In fact, while having no beef with veggies themselves, I object to salad as a dish difficult to consume.
4. Your hair is lovely.
Maybe you just need the right dressing to keep you going. I have a favorite salad dressing that I could basically drink out of the bottle. To avoid looking crazy, I put some lettuce in my dressing. Yum.
And good job. I can hear that Sesame Street character singing your congratulations right now..."It is I...Captain Vegetable...."
stacy!!! i am so happy to get your comment! how is everything going for you guys?
little john- okay, okay, don't get ahead of yourself there. broccoli and i are not likely to become friends anytime soon......unless they can make chocolate flavored broccoli.
redstarmama- really? i did not realize you shared my salad aversion! do you have any wisdom, any techniques? any tips? i sit at the foot of the master, ready to learn.
arly- i love captain vegetable!!! what sort of salad dressing is this??? i think i must get some all for me.
I felt like I was living your salad moment! I too learned that salad was not from the devil this past year or so. I still make the last face in my head, but in public, I can calmly eat a few bites of a salad!
Hey Andrea,
How do you get your blog name on the side of yours like all those others? I don't know how to get one on my blog either.
Talk to you later,
John
Hey it's John again. Why not Brocoli? It doesn't have to be chocolate covered to be good! The reason why you didn't like it on Walt's b-day is that it was at the end of dinner when it was cold and soggy. Normally it is soft, warm, and delicious and good for you. Oh well, your loss.
My little girl's all growed up! I feel like I don't even know you anymore. I like vegetables in lots of stuff, but not really salad unless it's got bacon or chicken with a good, fatty Caesar. Too raw for me. Have you tried roasting veggies with olive oil, salt, and pepper? Now that is delicious.
lulu- leaps and bounds for us, man!! look at us, eating salad, not vomiting....i never thought this day would come.
little john- sorry, dude, but broccoli.....i don't know. that sounds pretty hard core. i'll think about it...emphasis on think......
ellen- great idea, oh mighty ellen! salt and pepper and olive oil are good on so many things.....brilliant! don't worry, i'm still the same andrea. and i'm having a deep fried twinkie tomorrow.
Ranch dressing makes EVERYTHING taste better. And don't forget BACON... did you know that BACON is a salad essential?????
Two really good reasons to Keep On Eating.
mommy2- you are speaking my language! maybe i could have a little salad with my bacon.
your too Funny but I think it will make it easier for Paul when he has to tell the kids that green things don t really make them vomit
no comment...only the gesture of me, open-mouthed and wide-eyed....
anna- i know! that's exactly why i thought documentation with photos might be a good idea.....
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