Hi, blog. Remember when I told you that I wouldn't neglect you ever ever? That I would be there for you, in good times and bad, until computer virus do us part?
Sorry, blog.
Really, I mean it. I'm sorry. It will never happen again. It's just that I was busy. Nothing funny is going on, I SWEAR. Please accept these red roses and this heart-shaped box of chocolates as a sincere expression of my deep and profoundly felt sorrow at the hurt I have caused you, blog.
What? You're not buying it? I thought the heart-shaped box of chocolates would do the trick, for sure.
Okay, okay. I'll level with you.
I did IVF again. And it didn't work. Again.
And it turns out that when I am in the middle of an IVF cycle, I cannot concentrate on anything.
Anything.
Everyone and everything I see reminds me of babies and all I want to do is look at baby products online and my brain turns to a gigantic bowl of baby oatmeal and if I attempted to write a blog post all that would come out is something like goo-goo-ga-ga BABIES and there is nothing whatsoever I can do about it.
But now, it's over. No more shots, at least for a little while. No more hot flashes and mood swings and feeling like I'm turning into a science experiment. Life has become normal again. Well, normal..... with extra twinkies.
My brain has begun once again to recognize non baby-related terms. I actually feel like exercising. Studying is again possible. And I feel like writing.
But what is there to say? What do I feel like saying?
For a while, the words in my heart and head were kind of sad. They matched my feelings, I guess. So it's not that I didn't think about you, blog, because I did. I just didn't want to bum you out. You're not a living being and thus are unable to eat cookie dough and I just didn't know how you would deal with sad feelings without cookie dough.
Today, though, the words in my heart and head are different. They match a lightness in my soul. And my soul feels like warm yellow sunlight and like flying on a trapeze and like when you eat a warm chocolate chip cookie with milk.
My soul feels good.
My soul feels like everything will turn out okay. And while I wait, there are warm chocolate chip cookies with milk and Paul to eat them with.
9 comments:
I'm sending you love and hugs all the way across the country. XOXO
I'm glad you're feeling sunshiny again. I've been thinking about you alot, especially since Paul told me about the results. So, thank God for Paul and cookie dough and for mother-in-laws who love you so very very much.
well, thank goodness for paul.
i missed you. you are just too clever!
I'm taking a deep breath....and telling you to read mine. Love you guys.
We love you - and I so admire your fighting spirit! You handle these trials with such grace - you're such an inspiration!
I wish I had something good to say that would be helpful or meaningful. But, I don't, really. There's so much about life I don't understand. I just want you to know that I think about you a lot. Much love to you both.
Hey lady! we had a great spotlight on you at the RS thingy the other week... and it made my heart happy to hear of such a wonderful gal! You are a strong force in this world. I'm sorry it's been rough for ya, and I'm thinking of you!! I look up to you sooo much:)
I'm glad you are feeling happy. I have a package coming to you this week that should make you even happier. If I can get my increasingly rotund self down to the post office, that is...
debie hive- you guys are awesome times like fifty, and i love you!
marianne- you are wonderful!!! i can't wait to see you this summer!
miriam- you know, if you came to new york, that would be fun. just saying.
arly- no words needed. i know just what you mean. thanks for being so great!!
andersons- cute pictures of your kids makes life easier. it's hard to be mad at life when there are tiny people with chubby cheeks and curly red hair, know what i mean?
mr.&mrs.- ditto for your kid! it is always such a treat to see your lovely face along with your cute little one!!
redstarmama- okay, so i know how you're cooking a baby and you need to stay where there is a doctor who knows who you are but i'm just going to pretend like you're coming out here. eventually i think that will be true.
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